M,
Back to business. We demand a campfire be lit at least once a month, if not more. As we watch summer slip into fall, the temps will drop into the ideal campfire range. If these demands are not met, use your imagination from the photos to see what will happen to your precious gnome who can't control his bladder. He made a mess of our vehicle. What a disgrace to the entire gnome nation.
With deepest regards,
Z
Back to business. We demand a campfire be lit at least once a month, if not more. As we watch summer slip into fall, the temps will drop into the ideal campfire range. If these demands are not met, use your imagination from the photos to see what will happen to your precious gnome who can't control his bladder. He made a mess of our vehicle. What a disgrace to the entire gnome nation.
With deepest regards,
Z
Fortunately, before the deadline, the good guys swooped in and saved our gnome!
M,
Dude, you won't believe this. My captors took me to some location far from the resort and left me there by myself, blindfolded and bound. I don't know how they did it, or if you've ever heard of them, but the FBI rescued me! It was incredible! This team of highly trained, well equipped, and bad ass looking guys came storming into the place and rescued me. My hiatus from your backyard is over! The agents who found me must be commended. The FBI sure impressed me with their ability to rescue a mere yard gnome from the clutches of evil.
They let me try on some of their gear and take pictures with it. That vest is 250 times my body weight. Did you see me in that helmet?!?! Of course you didn't, because its too big. But trust me, I'm under there somewhere. My rescue day was the best day of my life so far. But it will pale in comparison to the day when I will be reunited with the one I love, Porkchop, uhh, I mean you and Jennifer. I still don't know when they will get around to returning me, but I'm hopeful it will be soon. They tell me I am somewhere south of where you live. You probably don't know where that is, but trust me, its nice here and it does exist.
As for the captors, I hear they are on the run and leaving the area again very soon. The FBI is everywhere and will sure to be on their tail wherever they go. They can't run forever!
The happiest gnome alive,
Mr. Gnome
Dude, you won't believe this. My captors took me to some location far from the resort and left me there by myself, blindfolded and bound. I don't know how they did it, or if you've ever heard of them, but the FBI rescued me! It was incredible! This team of highly trained, well equipped, and bad ass looking guys came storming into the place and rescued me. My hiatus from your backyard is over! The agents who found me must be commended. The FBI sure impressed me with their ability to rescue a mere yard gnome from the clutches of evil.
They let me try on some of their gear and take pictures with it. That vest is 250 times my body weight. Did you see me in that helmet?!?! Of course you didn't, because its too big. But trust me, I'm under there somewhere. My rescue day was the best day of my life so far. But it will pale in comparison to the day when I will be reunited with the one I love, Porkchop, uhh, I mean you and Jennifer. I still don't know when they will get around to returning me, but I'm hopeful it will be soon. They tell me I am somewhere south of where you live. You probably don't know where that is, but trust me, its nice here and it does exist.
As for the captors, I hear they are on the run and leaving the area again very soon. The FBI is everywhere and will sure to be on their tail wherever they go. They can't run forever!
The happiest gnome alive,
Mr. Gnome
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