Dearest Daddy M,
I snuck away from my captors ever so briefly to send you this electronic communication. My captors are not nearly as bad as they seem. They took me to a couple of pretty cool places. I was a little nervous when they first put me in their car, which I think is an SUV. I somehow managed to wet myself on the drive from Kansas City to wherever I am. I heard my captors discussing it quite enthusiastically. Even I had to admit I was a little miffed that happened. What self respecting yard gnome wets himself? Seriously!
They took me to this wonderful hunting resort called Big Cedar. There are dead things hanging from all the walls, kinda makes me nervous sometimes. But other than that, it is wonderful! They also took me to some park called Dogwood Canyon. When I first got there, I thought they were going to throw me off the edge into the abyss. Instead, they left me in their car while they went off biking. They had the gall to not even crack a window for me. Good thing it wasn't too hot that day or I might have melted a little.
Well, that's all I have time for. I think I hear them coming back...
That's all for now,
Mr. Gnome
PS: I really miss the dog. Oh, and you and J too. Please follow their instructions, I don't want to lose my beard.
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