Ransom Note & Freedom

A proposition was made and we thought we were going to have to negotiate with these terrorists:

M,

Back to business. We demand a campfire be lit at least once a month, if not more. As we watch summer slip into fall, the temps will drop into the ideal campfire range. If these demands are not met, use your imagination from the photos to see what will happen to your precious gnome who can't control his bladder. He made a mess of our vehicle. What a disgrace to the entire gnome nation.

With deepest regards,

Z

Fortunately, before the deadline, the good guys swooped in and saved our gnome!

M,

Dude, you won't believe this. My captors took me to some location far from the resort and left me there by myself, blindfolded and bound. I don't know how they did it, or if you've ever heard of them, but the FBI rescued me! It was incredible! This team of highly trained, well equipped, and bad ass looking guys came storming into the place and rescued me. My hiatus from your backyard is over! The agents who found me must be commended. The FBI sure impressed me with their ability to rescue a mere yard gnome from the clutches of evil.

They let me try on some of their gear and take pictures with it. That vest is 250 times my body weight. Did you see me in that helmet?!?! Of course you didn't, because its too big. But trust me, I'm under there somewhere. My rescue day was the best day of my life so far. But it will pale in comparison to the day when I will be reunited with the one I love, Porkchop, uhh, I mean you and Jennifer. I still don't know when they will get around to returning me, but I'm hopeful it will be soon. They tell me I am somewhere south of where you live. You probably don't know where that is, but trust me, its nice here and it does exist.

As for the captors, I hear they are on the run and leaving the area again very soon. The FBI is everywhere and will sure to be on their tail wherever they go. They can't run forever!

The happiest gnome alive,

Mr. Gnome

The Gnome on Vacation

The Gnome's kidnappers aren't all bad. They went on vacation and rather than leave the gnome unattended, they brought him with! While away, the gnome was able to sneak away and send us this message:


Dearest Daddy M,

I snuck away from my captors ever so briefly to send you this electronic communication. My captors are not nearly as bad as they seem. They took me to a couple of pretty cool places. I was a little nervous when they first put me in their car, which I think is an SUV. I somehow managed to wet myself on the drive from Kansas City to wherever I am. I heard my captors discussing it quite enthusiastically. Even I had to admit I was a little miffed that happened. What self respecting yard gnome wets himself? Seriously!

They took me to this wonderful hunting resort called Big Cedar. There are dead things hanging from all the walls, kinda makes me nervous sometimes. But other than that, it is wonderful! They also took me to some park called Dogwood Canyon. When I first got there, I thought they were going to throw me off the edge into the abyss. Instead, they left me in their car while they went off biking. They had the gall to not even crack a window for me. Good thing it wasn't too hot that day or I might have melted a little.

Well, that's all I have time for. I think I hear them coming back...

That's all for now,

Mr. Gnome

PS: I really miss the dog. Oh, and you and J too. Please follow their instructions, I don't want to lose my beard.

Kidnapper's Update

M,

As you can see by the photographs, we are very serious about our demands. We see you have a blog referencing your dearly beloved gnome. If you recall, we requested no media or law enforcement involvement. While a blog technically is not the media, we must object to the postings. Consider this your warning. Any more publicity of this gnomenapping will result in dire consequences for the gnome. That knife you see is very sharp and the man holding it is quite strong. How do you think the deer came to be on the wall? That knife cut clean through the deer, just think what it will do to your gnome.

Eternally yours,

Z